I have been following Anna's blog for a few years now. I think she stumbled across my blog when we were fostering, she introduced herself as a foster mom and I began following her blog. She lives in Texas and belongs to an LCMS congregation...it is nice to have that in common, as well.
Anna has been fostering for a few years now and has adopted three beautiful little children....and she and her husband are in the process of adopting another little boy. Just one month ago, after thinking her own family was now complete, another little girl has come into her life. She has the same biological mother as Anna's sons. She was born premature, but seems to be doing well....
The fascinating thing I find though is watching Anna....and it is hard not to cry just thinking about the love she has for her children. She does not know the future of this little girl....where she will be placed, will she be reunited with her biological mom, will they be able to adopt her. She lives for right now....and right now this little one needs a mommy to love her, speak softly to her, pray for her, and to hold her for many hours so that she will be calm and thrive in the love only a mommy can give. Anna has a true mommy's heart and you can't help but smile when you see that love in action. You may want to check out her blog. : )
Showing posts with label Foster care. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Foster care. Show all posts
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Support
Last night I was getting ready to go to a foster care parents' meeting and I was wondering, "Should I even go to these anymore since I am not a foster parent?"**
At the beginning of the meeting we introduce ourselves and give a little background of who we are. I always say that I was a foster parent, but now I am here more for support.
After the meeting last night I spoke with a woman whose foster children I have babysat a few times. I asked about their case and how things were progressing...they are hoping to adopt the children. She told me the heart wrenching story that is unfolding in her life...with multiple children and different fathers, it is complicated. Twists and turns are developing...all I could do was listen. But I knew some things to say and what not to say. I could stand there with tears in my eyes fully understanding how she is feeling right now. I couldn't encourage, because these things don't always work out how one plans...but I could tell her that she would be in my prayers. I could tell her that these children are worth all the terrible things she is going through.
On my drive home I was reminded that I can really be there for support...foster parents need that so much...and I am glad to bear that load.
**(Which got me wondering...I'm am still standing in the place of Ben's mom, by his choice and his father's choice. His mom still can't parent him...nor does she see him. The state has not said that I am a foster parent, and yet, it seems, in a different way, I still am.)
At the beginning of the meeting we introduce ourselves and give a little background of who we are. I always say that I was a foster parent, but now I am here more for support.
After the meeting last night I spoke with a woman whose foster children I have babysat a few times. I asked about their case and how things were progressing...they are hoping to adopt the children. She told me the heart wrenching story that is unfolding in her life...with multiple children and different fathers, it is complicated. Twists and turns are developing...all I could do was listen. But I knew some things to say and what not to say. I could stand there with tears in my eyes fully understanding how she is feeling right now. I couldn't encourage, because these things don't always work out how one plans...but I could tell her that she would be in my prayers. I could tell her that these children are worth all the terrible things she is going through.
On my drive home I was reminded that I can really be there for support...foster parents need that so much...and I am glad to bear that load.
**(Which got me wondering...I'm am still standing in the place of Ben's mom, by his choice and his father's choice. His mom still can't parent him...nor does she see him. The state has not said that I am a foster parent, and yet, it seems, in a different way, I still am.)
Friday, March 5, 2010
Another Visit
Ben came over for the day this past Wednesday. I spoke with his sister a little about what has been going on in Ben's life. I had a little talk with Benjamin about a few of the things I talked about with his sister. I really wish he had consistency in his care givers...he is a good kid, but, like most little people, he could use helpful reminders in the way he should behave. Ben's dad is very busy working long hours and another young woman is living at the house now providing some of Benjamin's care. I don't know her name, but she has been around living with another family member last summer. I don't know her...so I hope that she provides good care for Benjamin. His sister mentioned to me...again...questioning why her dad took Benjamin to be with him...he is so busy.
My heart wants to scream!
I know they get frustrated...but this is the one thing I do not need to hear.
I usually see Ben every 3 weeks...now I am thinking about changing that to every two weeks.
I've been thinking a lot about the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child". While I know that the most important people in regards to raising a child is the child's family...I also have to admit that people have come into our lives...especially teachers, that have influenced our children and helped them to become the people they are today. When the family structure is broken, the "village" becomes even more important and I don't think I can just sit on the sidelines when it comes to Benjamin. The "village" doesn't need to be social workers and other government employees, the village is you and me caring for those that God has put on our paths, in our lives...to show them His love and mercy as He has so richly shown us.
My heart wants to scream!
I know they get frustrated...but this is the one thing I do not need to hear.
I usually see Ben every 3 weeks...now I am thinking about changing that to every two weeks.
I've been thinking a lot about the phrase, "It takes a village to raise a child". While I know that the most important people in regards to raising a child is the child's family...I also have to admit that people have come into our lives...especially teachers, that have influenced our children and helped them to become the people they are today. When the family structure is broken, the "village" becomes even more important and I don't think I can just sit on the sidelines when it comes to Benjamin. The "village" doesn't need to be social workers and other government employees, the village is you and me caring for those that God has put on our paths, in our lives...to show them His love and mercy as He has so richly shown us.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Foster Care
I just babysat for two very dear precious little children, siblings, and boy and a girl. They have another sister* at their foster home and another newborn sister waiting to join them from the hospital. She is being weaned from the drugs her mommy took while she was pregnant with her. Her foster mommy was there today...as much as she could be there, bonding with this wee one that will soon be in her care. I am thankful I could help this family out today...but I really wish I could do more.
*(Actually they have two more brothers and another sister, too)
*(Actually they have two more brothers and another sister, too)
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
National Merit Scholarship Essay
This is a guest post from Hannah and she did give me permission to post this on my blog. She had to write about something that changed her life...
Life has a strange way of taking what one believes to be true and flipping it upside down---of throwing one headfirst into a situation so that one comes up gasping for air, disoriented, and utterly different. One can be changed in a way that alters one’s entire perception of the world. Some would say this is the point at which little miracles begin to happen, and I believe that is true. At least, that is the way it was with Ben.
Having a little foster brother is not as difficult as you might think. When my family decided to begin fostering, I was prepared for a child prone to fits, breakdowns, and a general plethora of coping issues. Instead, a tiny six-week-old bundle named Ben was delivered to our door. He was a beautiful, adorable, somewhat hairy Hispanic baby, with dark eyelashes so long and perfect that it looked like somebody had painted mascara on them. My mom immediately started crying when he was placed in her arms, and from that moment Ben became a part of our family.
It is not very hard to bond with a little person. The thing about babies is that they do not care who you are, if you change their diapers and feed them a few times a day, they adore you. Ben grew with my family for two years and became a rambunctious toddler with a tendency to get into trouble when no one was looking. Though his birth mother wanted to be a part of her son’s life, she was unable to meet the qualifications necessary to get him back. With no father in the picture, I became used to the idea of Ben having a permanent place in our family.
That is why it was so very painful when Ben's dad walked back into his life. I was livid. I did not care that he had just found out that he had a son, or that he was trying to do the right thing. I could only wonder how any man could rip away a child from the only family he had ever known?
But this is the part where my little miracle happened.
Ben's father is, for better or worse, one of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met. He called up my mom one day and explained, in slightly broken English, that from now on Ben would have two mommies and two daddies. "Miss Laura," he said frankly, "I give you my word."
When Ben left my house to live with his Hispanic family, I knew I would see him again. That did not make the goodbye hurt any less. At school, I cried my way through all of Trigonometry and part of lunch, much to the bewilderment of a few unknowing teachers. As time went on, though, I began to realize how lucky we were to have Ben in our lives at all. His two very different families are connected in a strange way now brought together solely by the fact that we love the same crazy little three-year-old. I am not afraid of differences between people anymore, and I do not think I can be. Ben showed us, just by loving us, that those things do not matter. The dissimilarities that separate two groups of people almost never matter.
Ben calls my mom a lot now. Generally his phone conversation consists of a "Hello" some "mmhmm's” and "yes’s”, followed by a sudden hanging up on his end of the line. He spends the day at our house every couple of weeks and is always reluctant to leave, probably because we love to spoil him so much. My favorite part is his hug goodbye. He holds onto me so tightly, and deep down some part of me knows that my peculiar little brother will never let me go.
Life has a strange way of taking what one believes to be true and flipping it upside down---of throwing one headfirst into a situation so that one comes up gasping for air, disoriented, and utterly different. One can be changed in a way that alters one’s entire perception of the world. Some would say this is the point at which little miracles begin to happen, and I believe that is true. At least, that is the way it was with Ben.
Having a little foster brother is not as difficult as you might think. When my family decided to begin fostering, I was prepared for a child prone to fits, breakdowns, and a general plethora of coping issues. Instead, a tiny six-week-old bundle named Ben was delivered to our door. He was a beautiful, adorable, somewhat hairy Hispanic baby, with dark eyelashes so long and perfect that it looked like somebody had painted mascara on them. My mom immediately started crying when he was placed in her arms, and from that moment Ben became a part of our family.
It is not very hard to bond with a little person. The thing about babies is that they do not care who you are, if you change their diapers and feed them a few times a day, they adore you. Ben grew with my family for two years and became a rambunctious toddler with a tendency to get into trouble when no one was looking. Though his birth mother wanted to be a part of her son’s life, she was unable to meet the qualifications necessary to get him back. With no father in the picture, I became used to the idea of Ben having a permanent place in our family.
That is why it was so very painful when Ben's dad walked back into his life. I was livid. I did not care that he had just found out that he had a son, or that he was trying to do the right thing. I could only wonder how any man could rip away a child from the only family he had ever known?
But this is the part where my little miracle happened.
Ben's father is, for better or worse, one of the most kind-hearted people I have ever met. He called up my mom one day and explained, in slightly broken English, that from now on Ben would have two mommies and two daddies. "Miss Laura," he said frankly, "I give you my word."
When Ben left my house to live with his Hispanic family, I knew I would see him again. That did not make the goodbye hurt any less. At school, I cried my way through all of Trigonometry and part of lunch, much to the bewilderment of a few unknowing teachers. As time went on, though, I began to realize how lucky we were to have Ben in our lives at all. His two very different families are connected in a strange way now brought together solely by the fact that we love the same crazy little three-year-old. I am not afraid of differences between people anymore, and I do not think I can be. Ben showed us, just by loving us, that those things do not matter. The dissimilarities that separate two groups of people almost never matter.
Ben calls my mom a lot now. Generally his phone conversation consists of a "Hello" some "mmhmm's” and "yes’s”, followed by a sudden hanging up on his end of the line. He spends the day at our house every couple of weeks and is always reluctant to leave, probably because we love to spoil him so much. My favorite part is his hug goodbye. He holds onto me so tightly, and deep down some part of me knows that my peculiar little brother will never let me go.
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
A Foster Babysitter?
I've decided to remain active with our local foster care group...I even volunteered to be the treasurer for awhile. I think I have found something I can do to still support foster parents in our area. I can babysit so moms have some time to do some things with their other children. Today I got to know a 3 year old girl and a 2 year old boy...and it sounds like they might be visiting again next month.
I had a great day with this twosome...they were polite, easy going, played and played and played. The 3 year old was a little chatter box and both were as cute as can be. They gave hugs, they smiled and got all excited when their foster mom arrived. They had lots of energy and I enjoyed my time with them. I think our dog enjoyed their visit, too.
Now I have more little people to keep in my prayers.
I had a great day with this twosome...they were polite, easy going, played and played and played. The 3 year old was a little chatter box and both were as cute as can be. They gave hugs, they smiled and got all excited when their foster mom arrived. They had lots of energy and I enjoyed my time with them. I think our dog enjoyed their visit, too.
Now I have more little people to keep in my prayers.
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Benjamin
Benjamin came over all day yesterday for one of his regular visits. We attended the baby shower for Kari, Bekah's sister-in-law, and Ben was trooper being occupied with coloring and puzzles, much to my amazement and joy!
After the shower we took him over to Bekah's to see the place (that is just something we seem to do these days). Well, he fell asleep in the car and would not wake up...I had to hold him for quite some time. I didn't mind.
This is an important shot...that dog is in our life because of Ben. We got Montana soon after of other dog died. We were not going to get another dog until we found out that the man we thought was Ben's dad actually was not...and then we thought Ben would be joining our family. And if Ben was going to be spending his days with us, we needed another dog...and that is how Montana came to our home.
Montana really likes Ben...she loves all children. Ben likes her too...except when she gets right in his face or nudges him with her mouth, then he says, "Stop it dog!"
It is hard to get a dog and three old child to stay still, really hard.
At the end of our visit Hannah took Ben for a ride around the house. It is always nice to her the laughter of a child and see a dog going goofy chasing the pair.
Ben's dad was waiting on his front porch when we brought Ben home. No tears, into the arms of his father. Kisses and hugs from us, telling him we'll see you soon. Sometimes I amazed at how the journey is still going.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
A Foster Mommy's Heart
Baby N has been gone for more than a few weeks now. Just the other day I shed a few tears just missing her...and knowing that I may never see her again. I could call her mom or grandma just to see how she is doing, but I probably already know the answer~I am sure everything is going just fine.
Baby N enjoyed playing with our toys. Many of our toys have separate pieces and Baby N used her great hiding skills with a few of those pieces. I placed all the toys aside that now have missing pieces and I hoped that one day I would find the pieces she hid. So far I have found three:
1) A red ring in Philip's drawer.
2) A plastic green block under the guest bed in Philip's room.
3) A "cookie" that goes into a play cookie jar was in a box that was by the front door waiting to go over to church for rummage.
It is those little things, the silly things that make me want to cry and touch my heart.
And today at 8:15 a.m. I got a phone call from Benjamin. I could hear many voices in the background so it occurred to me that he was probably at school....his very first day. Ben is a boy of few words...but we do communicate much with each other. I could hear in his voice that he was scared...he doesn't like being in big groups of people, I'm sure lots of little people don't care for that either. I had to reassure him that he was going to have a nice time making new friends, coloring, playing with toys, and getting to know his teacher. We talked briefly, then I spoke with his dad. He told me Ben wanted to talk to his mom...his dad said, "Mommy Jill?" Ben said, "No, Mommy Laura." I'm glad I have a special place in his heart, he certainly has one in mine...and I know that one day we will have to talk about his story, I am already talking to him about when he was a baby in his mommy's tummy since he has been around a new baby being born.
It is the first day of school for my former foster son...and that is still a big deal for this former foster mom.
Baby N enjoyed playing with our toys. Many of our toys have separate pieces and Baby N used her great hiding skills with a few of those pieces. I placed all the toys aside that now have missing pieces and I hoped that one day I would find the pieces she hid. So far I have found three:
1) A red ring in Philip's drawer.
2) A plastic green block under the guest bed in Philip's room.
3) A "cookie" that goes into a play cookie jar was in a box that was by the front door waiting to go over to church for rummage.
It is those little things, the silly things that make me want to cry and touch my heart.
And today at 8:15 a.m. I got a phone call from Benjamin. I could hear many voices in the background so it occurred to me that he was probably at school....his very first day. Ben is a boy of few words...but we do communicate much with each other. I could hear in his voice that he was scared...he doesn't like being in big groups of people, I'm sure lots of little people don't care for that either. I had to reassure him that he was going to have a nice time making new friends, coloring, playing with toys, and getting to know his teacher. We talked briefly, then I spoke with his dad. He told me Ben wanted to talk to his mom...his dad said, "Mommy Jill?" Ben said, "No, Mommy Laura." I'm glad I have a special place in his heart, he certainly has one in mine...and I know that one day we will have to talk about his story, I am already talking to him about when he was a baby in his mommy's tummy since he has been around a new baby being born.
It is the first day of school for my former foster son...and that is still a big deal for this former foster mom.
Monday, August 3, 2009
Update
Bekah and Gabe are in their new place...and all of us have entered into the "painting zone". They have picked some beautiful, peaceful, relaxing colors and it is fun to be a part of the transformation. They will be moving in next week, so they have a little more time to get the place in order before the big day.
We think Baby N went home, for good, today. She was to go to her parents for an extended visit until Thursday...and then the legal custody was to switch from us to her parents on August 6th...that is what we all thought, until my social worker said it is actually August 10th. So, we are still trying to figure what exactly is going on. Social workers actually take vacations, too. Anyway, we said good bye today like it was the last day we would see her. I will have to talk about that at another time, though...it is late and I need to get up for painting tomorrow. I will say that fostering Baby N was very different than fostering Benjamin...and so, this separation is easier and seems more natural. I just shed a few tears...and I am thankful that we were able to experience this kind of case, too...one where mom and dad were present the entire time, working hard (with a few failings) to get their kids home.
We think Baby N went home, for good, today. She was to go to her parents for an extended visit until Thursday...and then the legal custody was to switch from us to her parents on August 6th...that is what we all thought, until my social worker said it is actually August 10th. So, we are still trying to figure what exactly is going on. Social workers actually take vacations, too. Anyway, we said good bye today like it was the last day we would see her. I will have to talk about that at another time, though...it is late and I need to get up for painting tomorrow. I will say that fostering Baby N was very different than fostering Benjamin...and so, this separation is easier and seems more natural. I just shed a few tears...and I am thankful that we were able to experience this kind of case, too...one where mom and dad were present the entire time, working hard (with a few failings) to get their kids home.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
A Phone Call
I just love when Ben comes to visit us. I love the look on his face when he sees me drive up, or the hug that he gives me when he makes it into my arms. But it also a very difficult time...goodbyes are never easy, and sometimes I have to leave Ben in not the best of situations, and it breaks my heart. And it breaks his father's heart, too.
I probably shouldn't go into much detail...but I have seen what it is to be truly poor. Sometimes Ben has to stay with people that are very kind....but lacking in the things that make a house a home. Sometimes they are even lacking in very basic items like food or diapers...and sometimes they might be lacking time and attention due to the number of little people that need them to care for them. It is a hard situation to walk into. It is hard to know that the situation exists and it is hard to know that Ben's daily life is a a part of it.
Ben's own home life is good. There are two incomes supporting the household and it does make a difference. The household has money for basic needs...like food and clothing. His sister has the time and resources to care for her children, husband, Ben and his dad. She has made their house a home. But this sister has been unable to care for Ben due to a problems with her pregnancy. Her baby is due soon and she has told Ben's dad that she would like to take care of him again in about 6 weeks. Ben's dad actually called yesterday to tell me that...and the burden that I was carrying was lifted. I was so thankful for his call.
Now the funny thing is that I am very happy and relieved for Benjamin...he is the child I know and love. But now I know of five other little children...I don't know them, I don't even know their names. But I do know how they are living...and I wonder just what I could possibly do to help them...and the many other families living the same way.
My ponderings on what to do with the rest of my life continue...
I probably shouldn't go into much detail...but I have seen what it is to be truly poor. Sometimes Ben has to stay with people that are very kind....but lacking in the things that make a house a home. Sometimes they are even lacking in very basic items like food or diapers...and sometimes they might be lacking time and attention due to the number of little people that need them to care for them. It is a hard situation to walk into. It is hard to know that the situation exists and it is hard to know that Ben's daily life is a a part of it.
Ben's own home life is good. There are two incomes supporting the household and it does make a difference. The household has money for basic needs...like food and clothing. His sister has the time and resources to care for her children, husband, Ben and his dad. She has made their house a home. But this sister has been unable to care for Ben due to a problems with her pregnancy. Her baby is due soon and she has told Ben's dad that she would like to take care of him again in about 6 weeks. Ben's dad actually called yesterday to tell me that...and the burden that I was carrying was lifted. I was so thankful for his call.
Now the funny thing is that I am very happy and relieved for Benjamin...he is the child I know and love. But now I know of five other little children...I don't know them, I don't even know their names. But I do know how they are living...and I wonder just what I could possibly do to help them...and the many other families living the same way.
My ponderings on what to do with the rest of my life continue...
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Baby N's Mom
Baby N's mom and dad picked her up this morning. Mom came to the door wearing some black capris with a nice baby doll white top with flowers on it. I glanced at the van and saw the exact same outfit, only much smaller, hanging by the door.
"Are you two going to match today?" I asked. Her mom happily said that were...it would be so sweet to see them in matching outfits! I ran inside and got Baby N's sandals because that would be so much cuter to wear with the outfit than her gym shoes. I also brought our dog out to meet all her brothers...and our dog promptly jumped into their van, ready to leave our home for a boatload of kids. Some dog!
I've been thinking about Baby N and her family today...much has happened in one year. Mom and Dad are living in their own place with accommodations for all their children. Dad has a year round job, instead of seasonal. Mom has a job. They are both working hard...and that's about all I can say.
Baby N has been in out of home care since she was one month old. She has been with family members in the past...we were the first foster family brought into the picture. Baby N's mom has had little time to put her precious daughter to sleep...to hold her as long as she wants, and then put her in her own bed. Tonight, she will get to do that. I hope she treasures the moment...and does all that she can to bring her baby home.
"Are you two going to match today?" I asked. Her mom happily said that were...it would be so sweet to see them in matching outfits! I ran inside and got Baby N's sandals because that would be so much cuter to wear with the outfit than her gym shoes. I also brought our dog out to meet all her brothers...and our dog promptly jumped into their van, ready to leave our home for a boatload of kids. Some dog!
I've been thinking about Baby N and her family today...much has happened in one year. Mom and Dad are living in their own place with accommodations for all their children. Dad has a year round job, instead of seasonal. Mom has a job. They are both working hard...and that's about all I can say.
Baby N has been in out of home care since she was one month old. She has been with family members in the past...we were the first foster family brought into the picture. Baby N's mom has had little time to put her precious daughter to sleep...to hold her as long as she wants, and then put her in her own bed. Tonight, she will get to do that. I hope she treasures the moment...and does all that she can to bring her baby home.
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Things are moving...
I spoke with Baby N's social worker today and we have scheduled the first over night. This Saturday her parents will get all their children at noon and bring them all back late Sunday evening. (We just have Baby N...her grandmother and aunt have her 4 brothers....and they are adorable little boys!) I am actually very excited and happy for Baby N's parents....this is a big step forward, I hope they can continue doing all they are doing to get their kids back home. I am looking forward to being with my family without thinking about a little one...and what she might be doing. This also means that I am getting closer to pondering and actually carrying through with getting a part time job. Life is rolling along....and change is coming, soon.
Friday, June 26, 2009
The Cost of Foster Care
Foster care for one family...I have heard of more...
Five kids in foster care, some with foster parents, some with family:
$1149.00 a month
Some kids in daycare:
$2400.00
WIC
$260.00
Clothing allowance:
$750.00 (one time allowance for entire time removed from home)
Monthly cost: $ 3,809.00
Other costs may include:
Social Workers
Classes
Therapy
Parent Training
Job Skills
Drivers for visits
Supervisors for visits
Doctor visits and immunizations
Various tests for parents
Court
Judges
Lawyers-Each parent, perhaps, each child
With all these people on board and all the money involved, we better hope that people do indeed change their lives for the better...especially for their children. Please, do not tell me that we are not doing enough to help people in our society...it looks like we most certainly are doing all we can.
Five kids in foster care, some with foster parents, some with family:
$1149.00 a month
Some kids in daycare:
$2400.00
WIC
$260.00
Clothing allowance:
$750.00 (one time allowance for entire time removed from home)
Monthly cost: $ 3,809.00
Other costs may include:
Social Workers
Classes
Therapy
Parent Training
Job Skills
Drivers for visits
Supervisors for visits
Doctor visits and immunizations
Various tests for parents
Court
Judges
Lawyers-Each parent, perhaps, each child
With all these people on board and all the money involved, we better hope that people do indeed change their lives for the better...especially for their children. Please, do not tell me that we are not doing enough to help people in our society...it looks like we most certainly are doing all we can.
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Visits
Baby N just came home from a visit. The actual visit was from 4:00-6:00 p.m. During that time she was with her parents. They should have fed her, she did have a bottle during that time. The people who pick up Baby N arrived at our house at 2:30 p.m. and they brought her home at 7:00 p.m. That is 4 1/2 hours...in the same diaper. She was pretty wet when she came back here.
Bekah and Gabe are here now...and I will have to do everything in my power not to sob. I know they will take care of their baby and I won't have to worry about their baby being fed, or kept clean...or going on visits.
Bekah and Gabe are here now...and I will have to do everything in my power not to sob. I know they will take care of their baby and I won't have to worry about their baby being fed, or kept clean...or going on visits.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sorry
It has been awhile, dear readers, and things have just been busy around here. Some of you I see over on Facebook, which is actually a nice and easy way to "keep in touch". But some of you just read this blog and so it is time for me to post something.
I've been thinking about things to blog about...fostering, my identity crisis, the unbelievable amount of flux our home experiences throughout the day, a woman's place in the home, true peace, to own a home or to not own a home, "chance meetings", Mary's very last performance with Milwaukee Children's Choir and the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, and the definition of family. I don't know if I will get to all the ponderings 'cause most of the time I only have the time to ponder and pray about them in my own heart and mind. And that works, too....but I can't let you all in on those conversations.
I have been weepy lately...that means I can fall apart into tears at almost any time. This time...well, as it is most of the time I fall apart...I am thinking about Benjamin. He will be three years old this weekend. I spoke with his dad today and it looks like we will have him over next Monday...all day and we will give him our presents at that time. I can't wait...I spoke with Benjamin as well and we chatted for a few minutes. He understands many things, but still has a hard time verbalizing his thoughts. His dad told me that they drove by our house just a few minutes before he called me...Ben recognized the place and said, "Mama Laura home!" I think it is amazing little people can recognize such things. I said, "Luv you" to Ben and he said it back.
I called Ben's sister, after I spoke with her dad, to let her know that we would be attending her baby shower. We talked for a bit about delivery...right now her baby is breech, so the doctors have talked about c-section. Since I have had two of them, we talked about that for a few minutes. She is a sweet person and she gave me some ideas of things she could use for her baby...she doesn't have much for this little one and she doesn't mind gently used things...I think I will look for a nice bumper pad and sheet set at New to You Kids...they always have a nice supply of them.
I always want to laugh and cry after I make contact with Ben's family. God has a way of bringing people and situations into our lives that we may have never known if it wasn't for the crisis that brought us together.
I've been thinking about things to blog about...fostering, my identity crisis, the unbelievable amount of flux our home experiences throughout the day, a woman's place in the home, true peace, to own a home or to not own a home, "chance meetings", Mary's very last performance with Milwaukee Children's Choir and the Milwaukee Symphony Orchestra, and the definition of family. I don't know if I will get to all the ponderings 'cause most of the time I only have the time to ponder and pray about them in my own heart and mind. And that works, too....but I can't let you all in on those conversations.
I have been weepy lately...that means I can fall apart into tears at almost any time. This time...well, as it is most of the time I fall apart...I am thinking about Benjamin. He will be three years old this weekend. I spoke with his dad today and it looks like we will have him over next Monday...all day and we will give him our presents at that time. I can't wait...I spoke with Benjamin as well and we chatted for a few minutes. He understands many things, but still has a hard time verbalizing his thoughts. His dad told me that they drove by our house just a few minutes before he called me...Ben recognized the place and said, "Mama Laura home!" I think it is amazing little people can recognize such things. I said, "Luv you" to Ben and he said it back.
I called Ben's sister, after I spoke with her dad, to let her know that we would be attending her baby shower. We talked for a bit about delivery...right now her baby is breech, so the doctors have talked about c-section. Since I have had two of them, we talked about that for a few minutes. She is a sweet person and she gave me some ideas of things she could use for her baby...she doesn't have much for this little one and she doesn't mind gently used things...I think I will look for a nice bumper pad and sheet set at New to You Kids...they always have a nice supply of them.
I always want to laugh and cry after I make contact with Ben's family. God has a way of bringing people and situations into our lives that we may have never known if it wasn't for the crisis that brought us together.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Strange Happenings
Here I found Baby N reading to our dog. The dog was quite interested in the selection...And to think that I saw it on Mulberry Street by Dr. Seuss.
Here is the twosome sharing a meal...okay, Montana did not share her food, we wouldn't let her, but the dog has no trouble having a baby by her side while she is eating. Our dog Ellie would have never let a baby watch her eat...I couldn't even watch her!
Here is the baby crawling out of the dog cage. For some reason she likes hanging out in there...WITH THE DOG! Baby N also has a pacifier in her mouth...and she doesn't use a pacifier.
And this is how Baby N left her bottle...in the mouth of a butterfly. It looks like the butterfly was thirsty.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Sleepy Baby
This is what happens, dear one, when you wake up at 12:30 a.m., and then again at 4:00 a.m. to play and coo, and then again at 6:30 a.m. When you do this, you may become so tired that even simply drinking a cup of juice will put you to sleep. Tonight, please stay asleep so we all can be rested to face a new day.
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Saying Goodbye
Last week, when I took Benjamin home to his sister's home, the parting was not pretty. Over the years, as I took care of Benjamin, I was always aware of telling him about the things that would be happening to him. If he was to leave on a visit, I would mention it to him giving him time to adjust to a change that was about to occur.
It is no different now when I pick him up for a day of visiting. I tell him about the plans for the day...and how at the end of the day he will go back to his daddy's house. As we go through the day I talk about what is immediately coming next. When I took my daughter to piano lessons, on this same day, Ben thought I was leaving him there. I had to calm his fears and let him know that I was not leaving and we were going to fo for a walk. I have had to do this for him since he was old enough to understand.
At the end of our day I dropped Mary off at choir and I told Benjamin it was time for me to take him to his sister's home. He seemed to understand and promptly fell sound asleep. When I arrived at his sister's I had to wake a sleeping little boy...and those of you who read this blog know that watching him sleep always brings me to tears. So, I gently got him to wake up, I told him where we were and he began to cry.
When Benjamin cries, his momma cries, too. I knew we were both going to be a wreck when I got to the door. I was. Benjamin was screaming, "No, Mama! No, Mama!" My heart was breaking. Thankfully his sister saw the mess we were in and invited us inside, then she started crying too. She hugged me and told me that she was the one now caring for Benjamin. (She is another sister...not the one he lives with.) I was relieved. I have spoken with her several times over the phone, she can speak English well, and she seems kind and has 5 children of her own. She hugged me and told me that I could come over whenever I wanted...just give her call and I could stop by for a visit. She told me nice things that her dad said about our family and what we did for Benjamin...and all this just made the tears flow harder, yet I was grateful for the words.
But then she said the words that will forever ring in my ears, "Sometimes I wonder if it would have been best for Benjamin to have stayed with you. But my dad fell in love him and wanted him."
Whoa...inside I was screaming, "Why did you say that?" On the outside I said, "It is good for him to be with his family. Well, he really has two families now."
I hugged Benjamin again...and left, sobbing to my van. I had to drive home with Baby N sleeping in the back. Two songs came on the radio that just made the whole thing worse. I made it home and I was a wreck.
Within a 1/2 hour I was on the phone with Baby N's grandma talking with her about her family and the trial they were going through. Many times all I can do is listen, or ask questions and make sure all details are being shared with the social worker. It is a heavy load being a foster parent...yet extremely rewarding at the same time.
The next day, after Ben left, Aaron and I attended a foster care dinner. It was an almost formal affair...good food, local entertainment from some talented school aged children, raffles galore...we won a very nice relaxation basket, and a few speakers from various foster care backgrounds. We sat with a couple that won an award for their commitment to foster care. They had 4 of their own children, 5 adopted, and they were in the process of adopting 2 more. I sat next to the dad, Andy. Of course, as in usual foster care fashion, I shared our story about Benjamin. And then Andy shared his story about a little boy they almost adopted...but in the end, the child was adopted by his aunt. The child's aunt wanted Andy and his family to stay involved in this boy's life, so once a month Andy drives down to Chicago, picks the boy up, and brings him back to Milwaukee for the weekend. The little boy is four years old.
Andy just chatted on about his story. He feels bad when they say good bye, the little guy cries...and still calls Andy and his wife "Mom and Dad". Andy wonders if it is good to put the little guy through this. (As I wonder about our Benjamin.) Andy spoke with a social worker about this and she said it would be better to keep the ties unbroken. This little boy knows that this family has not totally deserted him, even though they can't be with him all the time. One day, he will understand...and he will know that many people loved him and sacrificed for him as he grew up.
It was hard not to sob right then and there. I didn't...but boy it was good to hear...and to know another family is dealing with the exact same thing we are going through. Just knowing that shares the burden...and helps all of us to go on.
It is no different now when I pick him up for a day of visiting. I tell him about the plans for the day...and how at the end of the day he will go back to his daddy's house. As we go through the day I talk about what is immediately coming next. When I took my daughter to piano lessons, on this same day, Ben thought I was leaving him there. I had to calm his fears and let him know that I was not leaving and we were going to fo for a walk. I have had to do this for him since he was old enough to understand.
At the end of our day I dropped Mary off at choir and I told Benjamin it was time for me to take him to his sister's home. He seemed to understand and promptly fell sound asleep. When I arrived at his sister's I had to wake a sleeping little boy...and those of you who read this blog know that watching him sleep always brings me to tears. So, I gently got him to wake up, I told him where we were and he began to cry.
When Benjamin cries, his momma cries, too. I knew we were both going to be a wreck when I got to the door. I was. Benjamin was screaming, "No, Mama! No, Mama!" My heart was breaking. Thankfully his sister saw the mess we were in and invited us inside, then she started crying too. She hugged me and told me that she was the one now caring for Benjamin. (She is another sister...not the one he lives with.) I was relieved. I have spoken with her several times over the phone, she can speak English well, and she seems kind and has 5 children of her own. She hugged me and told me that I could come over whenever I wanted...just give her call and I could stop by for a visit. She told me nice things that her dad said about our family and what we did for Benjamin...and all this just made the tears flow harder, yet I was grateful for the words.
But then she said the words that will forever ring in my ears, "Sometimes I wonder if it would have been best for Benjamin to have stayed with you. But my dad fell in love him and wanted him."
Whoa...inside I was screaming, "Why did you say that?" On the outside I said, "It is good for him to be with his family. Well, he really has two families now."
I hugged Benjamin again...and left, sobbing to my van. I had to drive home with Baby N sleeping in the back. Two songs came on the radio that just made the whole thing worse. I made it home and I was a wreck.
Within a 1/2 hour I was on the phone with Baby N's grandma talking with her about her family and the trial they were going through. Many times all I can do is listen, or ask questions and make sure all details are being shared with the social worker. It is a heavy load being a foster parent...yet extremely rewarding at the same time.
The next day, after Ben left, Aaron and I attended a foster care dinner. It was an almost formal affair...good food, local entertainment from some talented school aged children, raffles galore...we won a very nice relaxation basket, and a few speakers from various foster care backgrounds. We sat with a couple that won an award for their commitment to foster care. They had 4 of their own children, 5 adopted, and they were in the process of adopting 2 more. I sat next to the dad, Andy. Of course, as in usual foster care fashion, I shared our story about Benjamin. And then Andy shared his story about a little boy they almost adopted...but in the end, the child was adopted by his aunt. The child's aunt wanted Andy and his family to stay involved in this boy's life, so once a month Andy drives down to Chicago, picks the boy up, and brings him back to Milwaukee for the weekend. The little boy is four years old.
Andy just chatted on about his story. He feels bad when they say good bye, the little guy cries...and still calls Andy and his wife "Mom and Dad". Andy wonders if it is good to put the little guy through this. (As I wonder about our Benjamin.) Andy spoke with a social worker about this and she said it would be better to keep the ties unbroken. This little boy knows that this family has not totally deserted him, even though they can't be with him all the time. One day, he will understand...and he will know that many people loved him and sacrificed for him as he grew up.
It was hard not to sob right then and there. I didn't...but boy it was good to hear...and to know another family is dealing with the exact same thing we are going through. Just knowing that shares the burden...and helps all of us to go on.
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Cruising
This picture needs an explanation. Baby N is now cruising along the furniture. I left her today in the living room next to her toy box. When I came back she walked along the toy box, a couch, a lounge chair, made the connection to the other lounge chair, and sat down by this basket of eucalyptus. When she saw me she blinked her eyes at me. She was so proud of her accomplishment. A new stage is beginning. I can't wait...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Change
This world and our lives are constantly changing. Our bodies change, the seasons change, people in our lives change.
I spoke with Benjamin's sister today. We hope to see him this Monday, but his sister informed me that soon he will be going to daycare. It sounds like it is a family daycare just around the corner from their home. Ben's sister needs to work for awhile, so she can't be home with Ben. It is good the family is working to meet their needs and not looking for a handout...but is saddens me that Ben will have to go through another change. I'm trying to tell myself that it might be good for him to be with other children during the day...his niece and nephew are at school. I pray his dad found a loving care giver...my gut tells me that he would do that for his son. I will talk to his dad about this change soon and get more details so I can be at peace.
And Baby N's case is changing too. Her caseworker has been very positive over the months...when I saw her this week she is not feeling that way anymore.
We've entered into foster care limbo land, again. I guess it isn't surprising...but I always remain so hopeful that people can change...and sometimes they do, and sometimes, they don't.
I spoke with Benjamin's sister today. We hope to see him this Monday, but his sister informed me that soon he will be going to daycare. It sounds like it is a family daycare just around the corner from their home. Ben's sister needs to work for awhile, so she can't be home with Ben. It is good the family is working to meet their needs and not looking for a handout...but is saddens me that Ben will have to go through another change. I'm trying to tell myself that it might be good for him to be with other children during the day...his niece and nephew are at school. I pray his dad found a loving care giver...my gut tells me that he would do that for his son. I will talk to his dad about this change soon and get more details so I can be at peace.
And Baby N's case is changing too. Her caseworker has been very positive over the months...when I saw her this week she is not feeling that way anymore.
We've entered into foster care limbo land, again. I guess it isn't surprising...but I always remain so hopeful that people can change...and sometimes they do, and sometimes, they don't.
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